I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
