Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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