Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
