Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
