I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
