Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
