the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Randomize