She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
