he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
