I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
