I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
