I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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