Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
