friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
