It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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