If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
