Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
