yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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