I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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