when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i out mim tonsoeep
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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