at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
