u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
