I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
