"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
