if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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