Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize