We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
