I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I believe in your delicious
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
