Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
