in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Couch. On fire.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
