oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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