Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
