I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
