Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
