just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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