I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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