He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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