a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize