mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
