I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love you. Go after that dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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