last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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