In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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