if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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