i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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