why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
