I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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