$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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