dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
