The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
