dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
