ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
