I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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