If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
