My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
