I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
