i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
