I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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