HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize