Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
