im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
