peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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