Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
