He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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