we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
