I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dear god my vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
