I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
