You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
