best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
