i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
